Uncertain
by 67OtakuGirl24X3
Summary: As seen on my AO3: Miyauchi confessed his love to Kawakami, and now Kawakami has no idea how to go about being in a relationship. He hopes that maybe observing his teammates will give him some sort of example to follow.


Kawakami had no idea what he was supposed to do in a relationship.

Admittedly, the entire concept of dating someone came as an abrupt surprise to him, and he was still recovering from the shock. The only feelings he ever acknowledged towards Keisuke Miyauchi were typical of an underclassman to an upperclassman, aside from the thought that he was a little… strange. His contrasting stoic yet touchy-feely personality made Kawakami _uncomfortable_ , if anything. _Especially_ when Miyauchi touched him in places no man needed nor desired to be touched without consent.

It would be because of said touchy-feeliness, however, that Kawakami would be forced to view Miyauchi in a different light.

The second time Miyauchi humiliated Kawakami by cupping his vital regions in front of the team, Kawakami decided to confront him about his vulgarity. Being constantly patted down and closely scrutinized whenever they formed a battery was one thing, but "verifying his manhood" was going MUCH too far. So, after practice let out, Kawakami called Miyauchi off to the side and demanded an explanation as to why he felt the need to violate him in such a way.

Miyauchi hesitated to answer, but still spoke in a direct and certain manner, his expression as serious as ever, save for a subtle tint of red gracing his cheeks: "Well, I love you."

This response was far from anything Kawakami could possibly have expected. Blushing from ear to ear, he managed a flustered, "What do you mean by that-?!" to which Miyauchi calmly iterated, "I have feelings for you." The situation was too unlikely for Kawakami to easily comprehend. "Th...that doesn't give you the right to, _grope_ me like that…!" he sputtered with difficulty, and, confused and even a bit frightened, he suddenly turned tail and hurried away, face burning and heart pounding.

For two whole days, Kawakami avoided Miyauchi. He expected to be approached, but it seemed like Miyauchi was respecting his space. This only served to frustrate Kawakami even further: the idea of Miyauchi being in love with him consistently occupied his thoughts and made him start thinking differently about him. He found himself staying awake at night, Miyauchi swirling around his head. He had to admit, if he was going to be attracted to another man, a big, strong guy like Miyauchi appealed to him the most. Plus, the more he thought about it, the more he found Miyauchi's oddness to be sort of… nice. Quirky... And even though he didn't seem to grasp the concept of personal space, apparently he _did_ respect Kawakami enough to leave him alone when he clearly wanted to avoid him. That alone made Kawakami regard him higher. Besides: he was the first person to ever confess their love to Kawakami. He _had_ to give him a chance…

So, after several sleepless nights, Kawakami decided it was time to grow a pair (he blushed to himself as he thought about how if Miyauchi heard him say that, he would probably grab him by the balls for a third time and say, 'You already have a pair') and approach his weird upperclassman.

He couldn't wait until after practice this time; he arrived as early as possible, and waited for Miyauchi outside the field. He decided to get straight to the point, so they wouldn't be late to practice: "If… If you love me, do you… Do you want to, go out with me?" he stammered in an almost forceful tone.

Miyauchi's eyes widened in surprise, and Kawakami could have sworn he smiled a little. He huffed affirmatively and gave an assertive nod.

And so, that's how they arrived at the uncertain spot they were currently in.

Clearly, Miyauchi had never been in a relationship, either, so they were both new to this. However, Miyauchi also seemed a lot more casual about this "dating" thing. While he seemed content enough that Kawakami had accepted his confession, Kawakami found himself in a fretful fog from the moment he asked him out. As per the coach's requested schedule, Kawakami was paired with Miyuki that day, and he ended up pitching worse than he had all year: he was too conflicted over whether he was relieved or disappointed that he wasn't in a battery with Miyauchi to properly concentrate on his throwing. Miyuki scolded him for it afterwards, but his mind was too jumbled to hear him out.

Miyauchi walked him to his room same night. Neither of them talked the entire time, Miyauchi because he just isn't a talkative person, Kawakami because he was too scrambled to think of anything to say. He gave a feeble attempt at conversation once they reached the dorms: "Um…."

But when he still couldn't find the right words, Miyauchi gave him a kiss on the cheek and left for his own room. Kawakami anticipated another sleepless night.

There were few, if any, heterosexuals in Seido's first string; in fact, the majority of them were dating a fellow first-stringer. The following day, Kawakami became more acutely aware of his teammates' relationships. Maybe, he thought, if he paid closer attention to the way they interacted, the way they treated each other, he would at least have an example to follow in his unanticipated new relationship.

But he should have expected that each couple treated each other in completely differing ways.

During warm-ups, he decided to keep an eye on Chris and Tanba: one of the team's more discreet couples (they had never even officially announced their relationship, and it was hard to tell if they were together; but about a month ago, Sawamura caught them exchanging a good-night kiss, and blabbed about it to the entire team). Watching them closely, it was actually fairly easy to pick up on their romantic subtext. Chris would stand with Tanba as he warmed up, inducing calm small talk and sharing subtle smiles. Then, throughout the course of practice, Chris would inconspicuously monitor Tanba's performance whenever he had the opportunity to watch him. Sometimes, Chris would approach Tanba mid-practice to check up on his condition, and pepper his body with careful touches- touches that Kawakami realized were gentler than, yet similar to, the way Miyauchi would touch _him_ while they trained. This realization embarrassed Kawakami, so he quickly chose another couple to observe.

Isashiki and the captain were his next choice. They, too, never actually announced their relationship, but then again, they didn't really need to. They were an unlikely, unexpected couple; and yet at the same time, it was hard to imagine them dating anyone else, and whenever one of their teammates found out they were dating, they were surprised for just a brief moment then soon decided it made perfect sense. _Maybe everyone would have the same reaction with me and Miyauchi,_ Kawakami thought. Finding comfort in this thought, Kawakami's eyes drifted across the field to the batter's box. It was Yuki's turn to bat, with Isashiki next after him; and as he stepped up to plate, Kawakami watched Isashiki give Yuki a teasing, encouraging, and also flirtatious smack on the ass. Barely batting an eye, Yuki smirked slightly and responded to his boyfriend's gesture by pinching him in the waist, without even turning around. Someone catcalled from the dugout.

Feeling like he just witnessed something he shouldn't have, Kawakami promptly peeled his eyes away.

Kominato (Ryousuke, that is) and Kuramochi were in a _confusing_ relationship. If asked in regards to whether or not they were dating, Kuramochi would guffaw and insist that he isn't into guys, and Ryousuke would simply smirk and call the question "bold" or "bizarre" or even "stupid." However, it wasn't very often that people approached them about their relationship, because they were pretty clear about it. They constantly came to practice holding hands, flirted with each other from opposite sides of the outfield, and hung all over each other.

Perplexed at the thought, Kawakami spared a glance at the couple. Kuramochi had just scored a homerun, it seemed, and was cackling triumphantly. Ryousuke, about to bat, silenced his signature laugh with a quick yet passionate kiss, which Kuramochi joyously returned. Kawakami gaped, blushed, and quickly looked away; although, this wasn't the first time those two had rewarded each other with a kiss after scoring a run. It was hard to understand why they seemed to insistently deny being together when they obviously weren't ashamed of it... _But, come to think of it,_ Kawakami reasoned internally, _even though I really do think I like Miyauchi, I'll probably in denial of being with him for a while, too..._ Still, even if he comprehended what type of relationship Ryousuke and Kuramochi had going on, he knew for a fact that his own relationship would _not_ be like theirs. He simply wasn't that bold.

Kawakami felt that it might be a lot less unnerving to oversee the _younger_ Kominato brother in HIS relationship. Haruichi had been dating Furuya for at least a couple weeks now, but they still seemed to be stuck in the stage of what-happens-next. They would always arrive with Sawamura, since their friendship trio was still intact even with two of them dating each other, but they _did_ end up by themselves fairly often (Sawamura was easily distracted). And when they did, neither of them really knew what to do. At the moment, they had just completed running their laps and were catching their breath. They shared an accidental glance, and both of them turned red. "...um… Good job today, Furuya-kun-!" Haruichi praised in a light, slightly nervous voice. He praised Furuya's work _every_ day, yet he always said it as if he was confessing his love to him for the first time; and Furuya always _rea_ _cted_ like Haruichi was confessing his love to him.

Furuya's cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red, and he stared burningly at the ground. "...thanks," he coughed. "You too." Ever since they started dating, they got flustered around each other, yet Furuya was surprisingly the one that was most affected. He was constantly on-guard around Haruichi- not like he was afraid of him, but more like he was afraid of doing something stupid in front of him. And yet, even though Furuya and Haruichi blushed and stammered whenever they were together, there was also the indisputable feeling that they felt _happy_ together.

Kawakami felt his heart flutter in his chest. A relationship like that was… pretty cute. Would he and Miyauchi be that way-? After all, he definitely felt like they'd be in an awkward phase for quite a while, so maybe they could become a _cute_ awkward…. It was embarrassing to admit, but he would be fairly happy with that.

But there was still one more example left to follow.

Miyuki and Sawamura were probably the most well-known couple on the team- and debatably the most in love. It was common knowledge that Sawamura had been in love with Miyuki from the moment he met him (although he would blatantly deny this), and even though Miyuki harassed Sawamura and acted like he was just a nuisance, it was plain to see that he cared about him deeply. There was always a hint of doting affection hiding beneath the mischief in his eyes whenever he teased Sawamura- which is what he was doing right now.

Kawakami couldn't hear him from where he stood (he was practicing in the bullpen while Sawamura had been pitching from the mound, and had now converged with Miyuki by home base), but he could see that Miyuki was smirking and Sawamura was getting frustrated and offended. He watched from the corner of his eye as Miyuki removed Sawamura's cap and twirled it around his finger, grinning. Sawamura pouted and clenched his fists, shouting something in protest; but then Miyuki leaned over and kissed his lips, and Sawamura's entire demeanor relaxed completely. Miyuki plopped Sawamura's cap backwards on his head, and now Sawamura was smiling like a cheerful child. As mean as he was, Miyuki often had a positive effect on him.

...honestly, Kawakami wished he and Miyauchi could one day be as in love as the two of them. _But that's impossible,_ he quickly thought. _We're too mismatched…._ Suddenly feeling disheartened, he gave a shake to his head and tried to focus on his pitching.

As practice drew to a close, and Kawakami had done more absent-minded observing than actually practicing baseball, his head throbbed. He was dating Miyauchi now, but, what was he supposed to do from there? Be discreet about his relationship, like Chris and Tanba? Be subtle yet obvious like Yuki and Isashiki? Open yet defensive like Kuramochi and Ryousuke? Awkward and flustered like Furuya and Haruichi? Or casually yet confidently in love like Miyuki and Sawamura? Really, he would be okay with anything; just so long as his relationship with Miyauchi wasn't _bad_. Because, the more he thought about it, the more he decided he really _did_ like Miyauchi. Quiet yet strong, invasive yet respectful, strange but intelligent… He was a good guy, to say the least.

Suddenly, Kawakami felt a hand press against the small of his back. He shrieked and leapt away from the touch, every muscle in his body tensing up until he saw that it was just Miyauchi. ...but he was only briefly relaxed as his thoughts from throughout the day flooded back to him.

Miyauchi took note of his distress instantaneously. "Is something wrong, Kawakami?" he asked when Kawakami still didn't calm down even when he removed his hand from his back.

Kawakami's face heated up and his heart pounded rapidly in his chest. He couldn't just tell him what he had been thinking… ...but then again, he did have the right to know, since the topic _did_ concern him. Besides: communication and trust were probably two key elements of a healthy relationship. Kawakami bit his lip, and drew in a deep breath through his nose. "...it's just… I don't, really know what to do next. You know, with… _us_. I… I like you, and I want to be with you, I just… don't know _how_."

Miyauchi gazed at him pensively, pursing his lips slightly. "...I see." Just when it seemed like that would be all he had to say in response, he suddenly turned toward the field, cupped his hands around his mouth, and inhaled deeply. "... _EVERYONE, LISTEN!_ "

The entire team immediately froze in place; not just because the voice was so loud, but also because the person that made such a loud shout was the usually-quiet Miyauchi. "There's something I'd like to make known," he announced- not quite as loudly, since he had everyone's attention now. "Kawakami and I," he reached out and grabbed Kawakami's hand without even glancing at him, "are dating."

Without waiting for a single response, he gave a stern nod, huffed through his nose, turned back around, and walked away from the field with Kawakami in tow.

"W-w-why did you do that?!" Kawakami gasped in horror, his body limp as Miyauchi pulled him along.

Miyauchi glanced over his shoulder at him, nonchalant expression unchanging. "I think the first step to an effective relationship is to establish confidence. I'm confident enough in our relationship to announce it to all of Seido, so now it should be easier to move on with actually being a couple," he explained matter-of-factly.

Kawakami completely had no idea what to say. How… _bold_ , and _humiliating_ … He suddenly felt especially uncertain about just exactly what type of relationship he had gotten himself into. ...but part of him also felt kind of happy. His body relaxed slightly, and he gripped Miyauchi's hand a little tighter as they walked.


End file.
